I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
