you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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