I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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