Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
