I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
