i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
