So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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