just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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