He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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