I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
