Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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