I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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