I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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