I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
