doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
