He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
