Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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