never play flip cup with pint glasses
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
