You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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