if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
