A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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