the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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