Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
