I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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