Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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