thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
