Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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