Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
