I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
