Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
