hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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