ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
