were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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