He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
