So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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