I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I want her autograph on my taint
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
