my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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