apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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