Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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