I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
