As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
