thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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