I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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