you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Pooping to opera.
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