Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
