batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
