I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
