I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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