dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
