I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize