When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
