I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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