i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
