have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
