I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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