i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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