I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
