By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
