i permit you to call me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
