So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
