im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
