Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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